Pain and Pleasure

Why do I run?  

Every time I make a relatively long run, like 10 kilometres or more, my toes hurt, my ankles hurt, my feet hurt, for a day or so afterwards. But it also feels good.  Every time I run a full marathon, the last 10 kilometres is always torturous.  Both legs threaten to cramp.  I have to stop every kilometer or so to stretch my legs so that they do not cramp or stop cramping, And they would cramp anyway. In fact, the cramps and stops come more and more frequently the longer it goes. Towards the end of each full marathon, I tell myself that I would not run them again.  But I have been back.  

Running is particularly hard for me for many reasons. I have such bad flat feet that they hurt if I stand or walk for even a moderate amount of time.  I have to have specially-made insoles in my shoes to support my feet and relieve the stress on my ankles.  I have very poor balance, partially, probably because of my flat feet.  I have never been good at any sports, including soccer, my favourite for the longest time.  

If someone forces me to run marathons, on gun point or some other threat, it would certainly be torture.  I might comply, but I would curse the person and probably wish them death.  When I choose to do it to myself, it would still be painful.  But it actually feels really good too, particularly if I can complete it.  In fact, while I try to ease the cramps and stay on my feet despite the pain, I would be feeling good at the same time.  There is pleasure in knowing that I can keep going despite the pain, that I can persist in running such long distances, that the will can overcome the flesh, sometimes.  That there is meaning in the suffering.

And it feels so good when I complete the run, lie down and put the legs up, and open a can of beer.  The longer is the run, and more painful it is, the better it feels.  Without the pain, it does not feel as good.  You cannot enjoy that good feeling without having experienced the pain first.  

Running usually starts being pleasurable, then gradually it becomes painful if it is pushed beyond a certain point.  But there is always some pleasure associated with it, particularly at the end.  So when is something painful, and when is it pleasurable?  Perhaps they are one and the same, inseparable?